The big island return.

 Kailua-Kona, Hawaii

Aloha! Some have asked the reason for my return to Hawaii to which I have mostly responded with, "I have no idea what I'm doing with my life!!"

Flying out to an island just seemed like the next logical step for a 20-something to do, right? (kidding.) I am a little more responsible than that. 

a little backstory...

Last November, I had a deep yearning in my spirit I find hard to explain. Not understanding what to do with this, I paid it little attention through the winter months.

With the new year came a full-time job, friendships I had long prayed for, and my first relationship. Although I know circumstances do not define our level of joy, I acknowledged life was good; I was working in an incredible company, socializing often, and of course, being pursued by my handsome boyfriend. 

As the weeks progressed, life continued to look good.

However, I was soon met with the same yearning I experienced months back. Not to be confused with discontentment, (as I was pretty happy with my life), this restlessness was like an unshakeable hunger for something more.

I had already succumbed to my full, new schedule so I kept balancing and navigating, thinking maybe then that total peace would come. During this time, my relationship unexpectedly ended—an added chaos I was completely unprepared for.

My heart unraveled, leaving me with a wound exposed for all to see. Thankfully, I received genuine support from friends and family who constantly called me higher, providing ample grace, patience, and chocolate as I began to heal from my first heartbreak.

The relationship was gone, but the yearning remained. 

I knew this stirring inside was from the Lord and it required a response, but I wasn't sure what to do in the midst of my pain and confusion.

Someone once told me, "If you are having trouble clearly hearing what God wants you to do, think about the last thing He told you or put on your heart. Maybe that's the thing He still wants."

I thought back to what He had last spoken. It didn't take long to figure out what that was: return to Hawaii and get with Him for fresh vision.

Through events only orchestrated by the Lord, He clearly confirmed I was to go. My dear friends immediately welcomed me to stay in the Ohana (studio apartment) of their home, I booked a one-way ticket, turned in my three weeks' notice, and packed my belongings.

Leaving Melbourne was the hardest right thing.

The small beach town I once dreaded now held precious friendships. Saying goodbye to my family with no set return date made the leaving far more bitter than sweet. But deep inside, I knew this was right. Knowing I had an amazing group backing me up in this faith journey allowed me to board the plane with more confidence.

and now, here i am...

The first week of acclimating to living in Hawaii again was strange, lonely, and exciting. Everything is the same, yet different.

It's awkward not having a specific title or ministry involvement like I once did. I've felt pressured to prove to you how I am doing something great, something worth flying miles away for, something, you know—to really write home about.

Putting it plainly, I am here because God called me. And it was time for me to be obedient.

Right now, I believe I am to not attach myself to a schedule, but rest instead. To be surrendered before the Lord. To allow Him to work with me on some serious heart issues. Through His kindness and grace, I see Him sewing me back together, rediscovering who He has made me to be.

This is such a unique time in my life where I am able to live in community and seek after the Lord's heart. That might be spent in the prayer room, interceding for the nations, or sitting on the lanai taking in His beauty.

I believe as He breathes life into my identity, He will reveal vision for future ministry.

I have no idea how long I will be here or what I will be doing, but as I take each step, I am thankful God's ways are nothing like my own.

His ways are far higher, and for purposes much greater than what these eyes can see. 

 YWAM | University of the Nations Kona Campus

YWAM | University of the Nations Kona Campus